Dealing with Expectations
This is the second part of my article where I would talk about how I think one can deal with one’s expectations. Now since we understand that expectations just don’t only arise out of mere emotions, it can be a consequence of situations and behaviours. To say the truth I myself haven’t ever completely got over my own expectations but was able to make peace with them. I am not even sure if anyone ever got over their expectations. If they did I would be obliged to know about how they did it. Now stands the bemusing question ‘How do we deal with it?’
I’ll write down the sequence that I follow to deal with my expectations. It would be easier to understand and explain. The first thing to do is, let out all the bad, remorseful emotions out of the chest. Either tell about it to someone who’s close to you and is not related to the ‘Turmoil’ you’re going through or best is talk to yourself, telling about how people and situations did hurt you. Cry over it if you can’t control the flow of emotions. There’s nothing wrong in doing so. After a certain point, you’ll feel better and the bad thoughts will slowly start fading out; which you had got against your friends or the close people who have not acted up to your expectations. Then will start the next step where you automatically start thinking, ‘How could I think so negative about him/her/them/myself?’. You’ll feel guilty. Now is the time when you should not let the guilt take over you. Instead of thinking about ‘How Could you?’ think ‘Why did you?’. You should start thinking about the reasons behind your sudden emotions and your expectations which led to the current situation, as I mentioned in my previous article. In cases where you were expecting something from other people and these ideas don’t work, try to find out more about why the other person took the actions they did (which definitely weren’t expected by you). Just for a few seconds, even if you don’t feel like doing it, put yourself in the shoes of the other person and think what would you do in their situations. Then you can proceed to think – Was it you who expected too much or was it that the people couldn’t meet your basic expectations which arose because they play important roles in your life? In either case, nobody is to be blamed.
That is because there are times when even we can’t meet up to our own expectations. In fact, nothing in this world can achieve anyone’s expectations completely or all the time. Now the third step would be to take proper action in the present situation that decides your relationship with those people or peace and happiness in your life. If you don’t properly understand the reasons and decide to act in hast, there might arise a situation where you’ll end up hurting not just yourself but others who you care for, emotionally. For the example that I had given in my previous article, if you would show anger or disgust or disappointment to your friend for not getting the gift that you were expecting, would hurt them. That will end up making you upset, once you realize how you behaved and your relationship with them might get little bitter. Would that be appropriate, just for the sake of a stupid gift? I’m sure it doesn’t even worth that much of turmoil. Instead, just accept their gift, not showing the disappointment on your face. Later sort out your thoughts and feelings. After the party is over you can either let them know that what gift you were actually expecting and let the matter go or would understand the affection and effort they put to get you the gift they presented you and make yourself understand that you’ll get the dress because you can buy it for yourself and you’ll do it soon. Both ways you’ll feel better and your ego won’t be hurt, hence you’ll be at peace.
So you’ll have to choose your action carefully, which is the toughest stage to make through but will decide the aftermaths. Sometimes expectations are directly related to our egos. We must find ways to pacify our egos, bring out ways to satisfy it virtually or really, either will serve the purpose. That way the relationship and your life’s peace won’t be at stake. These steps are easier to mention, harder to follow but, it works. I believe one good way to deal with expectation is understanding other’s expectations from you. When you understand that, constantly think about it, and try to meet their expectations, you’ll understand the difficulty in meeting one’s expectations. This way you won’t get hurt or get mad quickly at someone when your expectations are not met. The other way to deal with expectations is, set your mind that you wouldn’t do anything for anybody going out of your way. That is, you wouldn’t try to fulfill anyone’s expectations with you, for doing which you’ll have to face trouble. Let it be your friends, family, crush or lover. This works the best because when you take steps to fulfill one’s (who’s an important person in your life) expectations by undergoing troubles on the way, automatically at the back end of your mind develops a subconscious expectation that, “he/she will do a troublesome job like this for me in future when I need them to do”.
It’s a natural psychology of human to settle scores. Whether we realize it or not, it happens. So if you don’t go out of your way for someone to make them happy, you wouldn’t expect someone to go out of their way for you, to make you happy. It’s all about ‘give and take’ policy. So you and your relationship stay stable and exchanges of expectations are less. When they understand that you wouldn’t do anything extraordinary for them, they slowly will stop expecting from you too. It’s a cold way to deal with expectations but works the best. However, it would need a ‘Loner’ attitude to improvise this method. Often this leads to a lonely life or life with smaller circle of friends and people. That’s not bad either. You’ll have lesser but better people to live a life with, thus lesser chances of expectations to fulfill or lesser chances to rise. So these were the few ways to deal with expectations. I don’t know if it’ll work for all or not but at least they worked for me so far. So give it a try next time you want to deal with an Expectation. Hope it’ll be helpful. Goodbye!
Article by – Arpita Chowdhury
PART:1 – Click Here