CRY more….till everything feels good:
Sometimes a normal touch of a hand can bring tears in your eyes, till then you won’t know you were suffering that bad, when a pain continues for months it becomes integrated with your life system, unknowingly you keep yourself away from crowd, stops meeting anyone, stops talking much. All because of that one single thing “PAIN” which totally depends on “How much you are attached”, it could be because of a person you love when something unexpected happens to them.
Today he got some time to take rest, he was fighting inside but knew nothing about that. They have a strange attachment the boy and his father, they generally don’t talk for days, weeks until and unless things get very critical and important. It’s not like they don’t like each other but, it’s like two distinct minds simultaneously computing a common mathematical problem in different procedures for the same output but the minds doesn’t agree with each other’s procedures (Yea go through the sentence again). These two minds never display their emotions, loopholes to each other at any circumstances, they just live in their own EGO zones.
These minds had to compromise, which then followed few norms and conditions – “When one talks the other doesn’t get involved or interrupts. When one decides a particular issue the other doesn’t object or criticize no matter what the outcome of the decision would be.” What is the cause behind this impossible agreement?? the boy’s mother was diagnosed with cancer and it wasn’t in the initial stage. At start they had worst fights, the boy and his father, the boy burst out of his insecurity frustration he was going through all those years, he raised his voice against things his dad did every time. It’s not the fault of his father since he was raised in a bad environment and believed that growing in such situations will give the strength to become successful.
The boy made things right which never was until then, now the Lion doesn’t roar on every single issue. It’s the young ones turn to take the charge. The boy had trouble at start taking care of his mother, since the fight triggered the dad’s ego, blocking all the sources of income for the treatment. The boy was already planned for things like these he always had the source of income from his 3rd year of engineering – App development, Websites and his technical analysis on charts of CryptoCurrencies. He invested on mining equipment for generating Bitcoins, he traded very often during February & March for huge profits.
The boy withdrew money for the treatment and things went well, his dad noticed things. The boy was irresponsible till then no matter how hard his mom tried to change him. But when the situations turned blue, the young wildling took charge even though he had no job or source of income. Time breaks people and their emotions. that’s when one fine day his dad started talking to mom and things got on track. His dad took back responsibilities taking care of everything.
2 and half months flew the boy saw his mom suffer with the medicine’s side-effects, Chemotheraphy has the worst side-effects. The person’s body suffers with different side-effects on one single day, it could be anytime and the person gets so weak that they can’t speak out things they are suffering with. The boy talks positive and encouraging stuff all the day but in the night when he sleeps he wakes-up shouting and screaming. He is trying to be strong all day but every night his worst fears come out . He had to do something to stop that, so he used sleeping pills to get good sleep, after few weeks even sleeping pills couldn’t help because the body has become resistant to those. With doctor’s advice he stopped those pills slowly but his sleep pattern got disturbed completely.
People usually say living with pain for months or years might make you stone-hearted and resistant to it because you get adapted to pain, but that’s not true the mind tries to compensate PAIN(empty space) with something else. If the pain exists for too long, in the process to compensate things the mind tries to react to other emotions abnormally (could be reacting intensely or carelessly). Which if continues to exist too long could cause imbalance in appetite thus making your brain act in much more abnormally. Lost appetite the boy tried other things to divert himself by dancing, playing guitar, gym etc. Those things did help him to hide the pain under the skin completely, and thought he was back to normal.
That’s when this happened his dad comes to him and holds his hand to see the temperature. He felt the soft skin of his dad’s palm which triggered the pain inside him, the pain he saw in his mom’s face all these days flashed like a movie. It felt like deep down his sub-conscious was struggling and crying without his notice but the conscious one covered it up with all kinds of layers from getting that out. He didn’t knew what the other piece of him was struggling to get, after self-analyzing he got to know – It is love, a hug and a shoulder to cry which he never had not even once. He needs a hand to hold. It’s not that he loved his father again, those feelings were long dead and there is no way he can make the son out of him again anyone who would give a hand at that moment would trigger the same emotion.